Who Am I Besides Mom ?!
Us moms are so much more than just Mom. We are unpaid chefs for extremely honest and fussy clients, taxi drivers, referees, managers, cleaners, entertainers, sleep trainers/coaches, problem solvers, toilet trainers, milk machines or snack machines, multitaskers, finders of all things lost, leaders, storytellers, nurses, hugs and kisses, teachers, and a million other things that we are not even sure we are qualified for. But we do them every day regardless, with zero appreciation, days off, or even recognition unless of course we forgot to do something.
With motherhood and children comes a new role and a new relationship with yourself, some mothers are lucky enough to have a good support system in place and can continue in some way to keep up with the life they had before babies and mom life. For most, it means a whole new you, a whole new life and new relationships with friends and family, it changes your entire existence and it all goes by in the blink of an eye ( I know it doesn't feel like that when you are deep in laundry, dishes and diapers) and suddenly your babies are almost teenagers searching for independence and their own sense of self, it doesn't stop then and I definitely wouldn't say it gets easier but it does change and suddenly someone doesn't need your 24/7 undivided attention or to come with you in every room in the same house in case you get lost, you can breathe for the first time in years, you can shower and use the toilet in peace 'most of the time, you now get called embarrassing and gross a lot, And in the beginning, it has been so long that you kind of go by in autopilot when one day you realise you've no clue who you are or what you are meant to do now?!
Imagine having an extremely fast-paced demanding and difficult career for 13+ years and then suddenly you're switched to an on-call 24/7 position but are still expected to keep the office and employees in check, that is motherhood if you did it right, this is why it's so important that as mums we don't lose ourselves completely it's important to find something we enjoy a passion, hobby or profession.
A Little Bit Of My Journey
I remember the first “course” I took after I had my oldest and the tutor asked us what our skills and strengths were ( In a room full of young mostly solo mothers her question was answered with silence) Mom's?! My son was 4 and for 3 years that's all I did i barely responded to my own name anymore I WAS Mom, I certainly never took note of my skills nor did I take note of my likes or dislikes, I could list my 4-year-olds with no problem as could every other mother, she began to list off all the different tasks and roles a mother plays in just one day that can be carried over to the workplace, and I think it was the first time I had ever looked at a “mother” with a whole new mindset, I was doing all that alone and feeling like I was failing at this whole life and success thing ( I had always wanted to be a mother YES but believe it or not it wasn't the Goal for my future, I had big dreams and doing it alone had most definitely not been on the list at all, in fact, had I been asked in my late teens I would have said the only thing I wasn't going to be was a “single mother” ever!! you attract what you fear so they say).😅 I had studied child development, early education and special needs before I became a mum it was a job I truly loved, I had planned to work aboard, come home, open my own business, a place for mums to get beauty treatments while their children have a safe place to be looked after close by (a girl could dream), but one unplanned pregnancy and many untold stories later it was no longer the job for me! Once I had my son, minding other people's children while mine was with a sitter just didn't sit right and starting a business well that isn't very tangible with a small child and 0 support, so I became a full-time mother, I did cleaning jobs and still looked after family members and friend's children, I had many other positions during this time but motherhood was a full-time thing and anything else I wanted to do had to be done around the children, I was a young mother (early 20s) and most of my friend group had started different journeys of travel or college and I was knee deep in motherhood.
After many failed attempts of juggling motherhood, life and personal issues, I was left wondering, who am I?! Apart from some bodies mom!
Once the boys got a little older I started studying while they were in school luckily I had very understanding and Accommodating tutors, many sleepless nights of assignments followed by morning school drop-offs and hand-ups in time for deadlines, I got awarded top of my classes and managed to finish with amazing results I still don’t know how. Health and Fitness and my diploma in Personal Training and Nutrition.
Here are some things I’ve learned along the way and tips I have heard from other moms.
Being a mom is a rewarding and fulfilling role, but let's be honest, it can also be incredibly demanding and time-consuming. And sometimes feels like the world expects you to just get on with it and also be able to have a “successful life outside of the home and then they will criticise you for not raising your children correctly! So we can’t win, can we?! Throw into the mix that you're doing it alone and you're just opening yourself up for judgment and criticism, Between juggling household chores, taking care of the kids, and managing countless responsibilities, finding time for yourself often feels like an elusive dream.
1. Embrace the Chaos:
As moms, we know that chaos is a part of our lives filled with glimmers of overwhelming love, joy and sometimes sheer panic. We have to learn to embrace the chaos or let’s face it we would probably have daily meltdowns alongside our toddlers (families who cry together, grow together).
I like to try Set a goal to find at least 10 minutes each day to do something just for myself (yes easy for me to say now my kids are almost grown but I use to be that mum who would stay up till “stupid o’clock” just to have time for me, not be called to wipe a butt or fill another drink or make another snack ). Even if it means hiding in the bathroom to enjoy a peaceful moment of solitude(the mess will still be there after, it’s not like anyone else is going to do). Remember, finding humour in the chaos can make even the most mundane tasks feel a little less daunting. Let's face it, chaos is a constant companion for moms. From the never-ending laundry pile to the unexpected messes, embracing the chaos can be surprisingly liberating. So why not turn it into a game? Any moment can be a moment to Challenge yourself to find humour in the chaos and share your hilarious anecdotes. Remember, laughter is the best therapy, especially when you trip over the cup of water you're sure you left on the locker or step on the Lego you’d picked up 3 times already as you try to sneakily slip out of your sleeping child’s room!
2. Mastering the Art of Negotiation:
Who says negotiation skills are only for business people? Use your mom's powers to strike a deal with your little ones. Set a goal to trade some of your precious "me time" for their cooperation. For example, negotiate an extra half-hour of playtime in the garden or TV/iPad time whatever their favourite activity is that can get you a “hot” cup of coffee and some me time, you will be surprised what moms can get done in 20 minutes without their kids interrupting them whether it's catching up on your work or reading a chapter of a good book, whatever you do don’t let them see you sit down or pick up your phone, the key is to look busy but be relaxing, asking them to help you will usually make them happy to play their game, kids like to do the exact opposite of the one thing we would like?! Use it😁. It's a win-win situation!
3. The Power of Planning:
We all know that life with kids rarely goes according to plan. But setting goals can help us stay motivated and carve out time for ourselves. Grab your planner (or smartphone) and schedule specific blocks of "me time." Whether it's a fitness/yoga class, a coffee date with a friend, or simply curling up with a good book, find a part-time training course, something you are passionate about that you can turn into a career that you can set up from home or around your children’s schedules, there are so many options out there now. I have found that most tutors are extremely supportive of mothers and know that although they may miss more classes they will make up for it with the work, a lot of them will allow you to do a lot of the work from home once you don’t miss mandatory classes and talk to them?! A good place to start is your local Community College or GRETB training centres, having it written down makes it more likely to happen and makes it easy for the whole family to take note 'Mom has plans'.
Ever noticed the one thing you don’t need to tell Dad to do is find time for himself (they are not wrong about that! Yes I know it can feel that way as you watch him deep in his 3rd dream snoring and you haven’t even fallen asleep yet because of a sick kid coughing), he will have hobbies and friends even as a parent, they will always schedule in time to relax or shower or indulge in their interests. We as moms need to take a leaf out of their book, men have it instinctively they know that in order to perform at their peak they must take care of their own needs ( there are plenty of women who can do this to but there is something about motherhood that just teaches us we come last) Moms have to work a little harder for it, it’s also why we can multi-task and find “things” they can’t 😉. So go ahead, mark that "me time" on your calendar, and let the adventure begin!
4. The Magic of Multitasking:
As moms, we're masters of multitasking. Take advantage of those moments when you can combine "me time" with everyday tasks. For instance, listen to your favourite podcast while folding laundry, there is nothing like a good true crime while you wash the dishes, or a good solo dance party while preparing dinner, get your little one to join you in a little at-home workout( this is great way to teach them about the importance of a healthy life style, also it’s not just dads who can use their children as weights they are great for a good squat ) or get out in nature and bring your favourite coffee maybe even a book, grab an activity sheet from my list of activities for kids, head to the woods and send them on a scavenger hunt, take a seat( where you have eyes on them) while they gather the goodies and wear themselves out. ( reach your lifestyle goals and entertain your kids all at once) you will be pleasantly surprised at how much watching your child enjoy nature can benefit your mood and it always helps the littles and Mum sleep better. It's all about finding those little pockets of time and making the most of them.
5. Unleash Your Inner Comedian:
Laughter is the best medicine, especially for overwhelmed moms. Inject some humour into your quest for "me time." Create a funny hashtag on social media to document your daily adventures, like #MomTimeMission or #MomsGreatEscape. Share your relatable experiences and connect with other moms who understand the struggle, hearing how relatable your struggles are can sometimes make them feel like less of a solitary responsibility and more of a shared moment to laugh together.
I always say it and I’ll say it again a good Support System is key. Someone to take the children for you or someone with children to spend time with, while the kids play together. In the early years, this gives you a chance for some Adult conversation especially Mums who are doing it Solo. (There are times when you can spend so much time with kids that adults almost scare you, what are you even going to talk to them about CocoMelon?!). If you don't have one then take a moment to give yourself some praise and remind yourself “You are raising whole-ass people to be -people” entirely single-handed as if that isn't reason enough to give yourself some self-care and take pride in what you are doing with your life. Connect with other moms who are facing similar challenges and share your experiences. You can also join our forum page where you can exchange tips, tricks, and, of course, funny stories. Knowing you're not alone in this wild ride can be a game-changer. Laughter truly is the best therapy!
We all know being a mom is a marathon, not a sprint. Celebrate the small victories and remember that self-care is an ongoing process, not an end destination.
Finding time for yourself as a mom may seem like a challenge, it's easy to get lost in the whirlwind of responsibilities, but with a sprinkle of humour and a dash of determination, it's possible. By setting goals, embracing the chaos, and finding joy in the little moments, you can reclaim your "me time" and nurture your well-being. Remember, you deserve it, supermom!
Disclaimer: This blog post is not responsible for uncontrollable laughter, moments of self-reflection, or the urge to start a Mommy Mastermind group. Proceed with caution, and enjoy your journey of self-care😁
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